Devon and Me Outside our Condo in Kihei, HI
If you’re really honest with yourself, you probably feel guilty when you spend time indulging on things and experiences for you to enjoy.
And at the same time, you feel a tinge of jealousy and judgment when you see other woman indulging in luxurious self-care, pampering treatments, and beautiful apparel.
Very few women will admit to these feelings of guilt, jealousy, and judgment because it comes from a very young place inside of us – a place where we feel powerless.
Instead, many women would rather gossip, complain, and cast judgment sooner than facing their own feelings.
So is there a way to turn debilitating guilt into a reclamation of self-growth that we want not just for ourselves, but for every woman?
As entrepreneurs, and ambassadors of a luxury service, it’s so important to be role-models of self-care, rejuvenation, and guilt-free time out.
My friend (and fellow entrepreneur) Michelle and me after a day of pampering at Grande Wailea Spa in Wailea, HI
I personally believe that learning how to experience self-care for ourselves, and wanting the same for others, can help us break through some major obstacles that are standing between us and the lives of our dreams.
I just returned from a family vacation in Maui, Hawaii, so today I want to share with 3 strategies about how to face feelings of guilt and, how to transform those feelings into tools that can help us be of more service to our families, our careers, and our lives.
#1. Handle Guilt Gracefully
Guilt can be an amazing messenger – alerting us to where we may have dropped the ball on our commitments. (Fairly telling us it’s wrong to cancel appointments on clients so we can go to the beach.) It can also be a ruthless bully, telling us to do more, be more, and push more. (Unfairly minimizing our accomplishments.) Handle your commitments first then allow yourself to breathe and take time for you. If guilt is cuing you to keep your word, or complete an important task, of course you should complete it, thereby causing guilt to dissolve. But if it doesn’t dissolve even after you complete your commitments, it may be a nasty old habit that needs to be released.
Enjoying some time on the beach in Pa’ia, HI
#2. Stop Spinning the Same Old Guilty Story
What’s the story you tell yourself when you see someone enjoying a charmed life. Do you think malicious thoughts like “Must Be Nice,” or “That person is just lucky?” Don’t let a negative inner voice convince you of lies that other people have all the luck, or you’ll never have the same opportunities. Instead, tell yourself a new story like “How can I achieve this in my life?” Who can help me get there?”
Then, when you get there, rest assured that guilt will pop up all over again. It will tell you that you’re lazy or selfish. It will ask you why you get to enjoy yourself while everyone else back home has to work hard.
But don’t be flaky (E.g indulging on whims while reneging on your commitments) True self care feels the best for those who show up to life daily, keep their commitments, and give their best. If this describes you, you definitely deserve some guilt-free time off all to yourself!
Devon and me joining friends for Dinner at Ka’Ana Kitchen at Andaz Maui
Watching the sunset from the restaurant.
#3. Guilt Can’t Grow in a Garden of Growth
Guilt is an emotion that contracts, where growth is an emotion that expands. So if you’re spending time feeling guilty – you’re not growing! If you see someone experiencing massive personal growth on the outside, it means they are doing the inside work too!
Guilt can either serve as a wake-up call that you’re not staying true to your commitments, or that you’re committed to staying small. It can be paradoxical, so that’s why it’s important to check-in in with yourself in order to decode it’s sneaky messages so you can use them for your greatest good.
During this trip, I learned that feeling guilty means it’s time to choose growth – to become a new, expanded version of myself. Instead of giving in to debilitating guilt that tells me I don’t do enough (I do plenty, thank you very much!) I allow this emotion to show me where I need to cascade my energy to make sure I receive the rest and rejuvenation I need to continue to be there for others in my greatest possible capacity.
Came across this charming farmstand in Twin Falls, HI. Their banana/pineapple smoothies were heavenly!
Additionally, here’s some great insights I had on my recent vacation that can really help you, too:
1. We never feel guilty about what we are doing, we feel guilty about who we are being.
2. Guilt is very deceiving, asking us to stay small, and to “fit in with the pack.”
3. Guilt’s message is to remind us to expand into growth vs shrinking into contraction.
Being aware of the times you feel guilty, and choosing growth instead, will save you years of frustration and wasted energy.
It’s there to keep you aligned with what you say you want, and show you where you’re playing small so that you can make the choice to expand – this means follow through with your commitments to dissolve guilt. If guilt continues, it’s time to bust the monster and choose growth instead.
Remember, every woman deserves time to herself to be pampered and cared for. When you face your own feelings of guilt, jealousy, and judgment, only then can you truly be the type of woman who is genuinely happy for others.
But most importantly, transforming feelings of guilt sends a powerful message to those who look up to us. A message that they have the right to be important, and enjoy guilt-free time for themselves too!
My son, Brandyn showing off his swimming muscles after a meal at Gannon’s Restaurant.
P.S. What do you find is the best benefit you receive from taking time off? Comment below, I’d love to know!
